I will write more about this down the road, but let me just introduce an idea. I ate at a retirement community for Memorial Day with my mom and a friend of hers that is a resident. A total of six were at our table, three of us being adult children, including myself. The dynamics of the dinner were centered around the 800 lb gorilla that was at the table, a.k.a. the fact that the other adult children and I were more than once mortified by our mothers’ behavior. It was easier to accept the behavior from the resident since she was not family and was otherwise funny, engaging, and interesting. However, I do not think any of the adult children would have used these adjectives to describe our own family members. Why is this? The looks and stares exchanged between us spoke volumes about our feelings concerning what our family was saying and doing. Could we have prevented this scene or the uncomfortableness? Perhaps we could have if we’d all accepted that dinners such as this would not be normal.
I have eaten at many retirement homes due to my creative agency that specializes in marketing for retirement and senior living communities. I love having dinner at these places and mixing with an older generation, no matter what they do. However, the majority of adult children come with that gorilla and place the gorilla smack dab in the center of the table and never, never, never talk about it! Well, I want to talk about it and hopefully it will come about in another blog as the 800 lb. Gorilla part 2! I promise to blog about this again and bring to light an issue that needs to be talked about.
I was checking out your website and found your blog……. 800lbs G huh?……..
Recently, over this last winter I was helping my father’s old girl friend (both my parents are deceased, mom in ’73, dad in ’96) while she rehab at a senior care facility. We have stayed in touch, since my Dad passed and have dinner 4 -5 time a year. Anyway, she has a daughter in Hawaii that doesn’t spend much time here. When she went in for rehab from January to April, I was helping her weigh through the red tape of these places. Making sure she got what she needed. So I spent some time at these dinner tables. What I noticed and not sure if this was your 800lbs G, was how child like they behaved. It was mostly women at the table but it was like high school again…no more like junior high. Very territorial on who sat at the table each day, and if they did not like someone…….. down right mean. Some of these unwanted ladies were tough though and kept coming back. Then the topic of conversation was ” How can she keep coming back when she know she is not wanted…… why would someone do that?” As patients came and went, there was always a new someone that wasn’t wanted or did not fit in. It was funny at first, then sad.
Tell me what behavior you meant.